Can't Get You Out of My Head
by MsMacBeth10
Summary: Hermione literally can't get Malfoy out of her head after Dumbledore puts a telepathy spell on them. Now she'll have to deal with homicidal thoughts regarding a certain fan club, knickers, Quidditch, and other unpleasant things boys think of while trying to keep her own not-so-innocent thoughts private... AU 7th year
1. So much for house unity

"AHHHHHHHH!"

The very terrified voice of a certain Draco Malfoy echoed eerily throughout Hogwarts.

Professor Minerva McGonagall heard the scream from her Transfiguration classroom, and pondered whether she should check on the poor boy. It sounded like he was experiencing something...quite unpleasant, but she'd bet her cat whiskers that it didn't have anything to do with the Dark Lord, may he rest in peace. So she decided to just sit back, relax, and enjoy some popcorn (if she could find any, that is).

Professor Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore heard Draco's scream all the way up in his office, and he exchanged a merry glance with Fawkes the Phoenix. "Ah, children," he remarked with a wistful sigh, "They're just so full of energy these days. I wish I could scream that loudly! Alas, I am getting old." He, of course, had no intention of saving Draco Malfoy from whatever was causing him so much, er, terror.

Hermione Jean Granger heard the scream from her post in the corridor. She looked up, bemused, before turning her attention back to _Hogwarts, A History_. She was sitting in that particular spot in the corridor because she was waiting for the Head Boy to show, and that was where they had promised to meet up for their daily patrol. She made a mental note to scold him later for being late, but then she decided that whatever was troubling him now was ten times more scarier than her yelling at him.

And as for poor Draco Malfoy himself, he had ran into a group of Draco Malfoy Fan Club members on his way to meet the Head Girl for patrol, and was immediately ambushed and attacked. It was an experience he wish he could forget, but alas, it was difficult to forget at the moment when the very girls were chasing after him with Pansy Parkinson in the lead, screaming "DRACO-POO, I LOVE YOU!" at the top of her lungs.

What Draco did know was that he needed a place to hide, and he needed that place _fast_.

He ran into a particular corridor, almost missing Hermione completely in his eagerness to get away from his fan club. He skidded to a halt and doubled back, stopping in front of her. "Granger," he gasped, out of breath.

"Malfoy," she greeted him innocently, her eyes still on the page. She pretended to check her watch before adding, "You're late."

"I bloody well know that I'm late!" he snapped irritably. Today was just _not _his day.

Hermione blinked up at him, speechless. This was the first time that he had actually _agreed_ with her on something, and it was just too incredible to be true..."Hold on," she said, holding up a hand. "I have to take in this feeling."

"What feeling?" Draco demanded impatiently.

She took a deep breath, looking like she was simply enjoying torturing him. "This feeling. You, agreeing with _me_, that you're late for patrol. It's just - "

"Okay, I get the point!" Draco interrupted. He swore he could hear the footsteps of his fan club now, dashing madly toward him... "Just shut up and come with me!"

She opened her mouth, but he didn't give her the time to speak before he snatched her arm and dove into the nearest broom closet with her in tow. Draco hurriedly locked the door, even _magically_ locking it just to be safe.

"Malfoy, you do realize where we are?" Hermione's voice sounded rather close...Too close for his liking.

He shuffled uncomfortably, realizing that a broom closet was probably not the best option. But it had been the only option at the time, he reminded himself. "I had to find a place to hide," he muttered into the darkness.

"From your fan club?" Hermione guessed, shifting so she was as far away from him as possible - which wasn't very far, considering that they were hiding in a cramped broom closet.

Bloody hell. Hermione heard him curse under his breath before he said weakly, "Unfortunately, yes."

"I guess being popular has its quirks, huh?" Hermione commented, not feeling sorry for him at all as she reached a hand toward the lock. In fact, she would definitely enjoy his fan club glomping on him while she watched from a corner. She suddenly wished that she had a bucket of popcorn with her.

Draco let out a shriek and lunged for her hand, preventing her from opening the door. "Don't open that door, Granger! Whatever you do, just don't open it!" he yelled. He was getting desperate, which was not good, because Malfoys never got desperate.

Unfortunately for poor Draco, his yelling caught the attention of his fan club. He cursed under his breath, wishing that he had thought to silence to room too before they got in. But it was too late - someone in the fan club had enough sense to use their wand - and soon Hermione blinked as light flooded into the closet. "Ew, what is this!" she yelped, staring at the nasty contents in the closet; they had been hidden in the darkness. She didn't even want to think about it...

"Ew, what is this!" Pansy Parkinson shrieked, pointing a finger at Hermione. "I thought you had better taste, Draco-poo! Snogging the _Mudblood _in a broom closet?"

Draco looked from Hermione to Pansy. The glare Hermione was giving him was deadly enough to kill, and he shuddered at being caught in such an awkward position with her. He knew that denying it would be even more suspicious, so he went with the next best thing. Besides, if it was believable enough, he might be able to get rid of his fan club for good!

Hermione didn't like the evil glint in Draco's eyes. He was plotting something, and she knew it. But what?

"The war's over, Pansy," Draco informed the Slytherin slowly. "It's time to set prejudices aside - in fact, we should be promoting house unity...starting with the Head Boy and Head Girl." He shot Hermione a nasty grin.

Oh, no. Hermione was not liking where this conversation was going. She wanted to get out of there as fast as possible before her reputation was forever ruined. She had a feeling that Draco was going to kiss her...

And, sure enough, Draco grabbed her by her arms and unceremoniously kissed her, hard.

"Omph!" Hermione managed as his lips crashed onto hers. She struggled and squirmed, but his grip was tight and the look in his eyes read _Just go along with it_.

Of course she was _not_ going to go along with it. "Malfoy, you git!" she screamed, jerking away and slapping him across the face.

Professor McGonagall, becoming more and more curious, came over and stopped to watch the scene enfold. _Merlin, I wish I had some popcorn with me_, she thought, regretting that she hadn't gotten some over the summer.

"GRANGER, ARE YOU OFF YOUR ROCKER?" Pansy screamed shrilly, staring at Hermione with an accusing glare.

Hermione stared back. "Er...no? I consider myself perfectly sane, thank you very much."

Pansy and the Draco Malfoy Fan Club were glaring at her jealously. "How can you slap Draco-poo after he _kissed _you?"

Oh. So that's what she was talking about.

Unknown to the students, Dumbledore skipped merrily over and stood beside Professor McGonagall. "Look how much energy they have these days," Dumbledore lamented as he watched them, his eyes twinkling as he offered a bucket to the Transfiguration professor. "Popcorn?"

Professor McGonagall gratefully took a handful and popped some into her mouth. "Just what I needed, Albus. Mmm. But, wait, aren't they technically breaking curfew? I mean, it's past their curfew, which is why the Head Boy and Girl are out on patrol in the first place."

"Oh, yes, how could I forget? Ahem," Dumbledore coughed loudly, trying to break up the staring contest.

Hermione glared at Dumbledore for interrupting them. Pansy glared at Dumbledore because she had never really liked the Headmaster. The fan club members glared at Dumbledore for simply _being _there. Only Draco glared at Hermione, who was glaring at Dumbledore...Well, you get the point.

"Well, as you may remember - I hope - that it is past curfew, which means that house points will be taken, and detentions will be assigned. That is all," Dumbledore said hastily, becoming more and more nervous under the furious glares. "And, if you two don't mind, I would like to see you both in my office." This last bit was directed at Hermione and Draco.

Hermione had completely forgotten about curfew and why she was there in the first place. "Twenty points from Slytherin for being out after curfew!" she yelled before Dumbledore or McGonagall could take the points. McGonagall looked disappointed.

Draco was grateful that Dumbledore had requested their presence, meaning that his fan club wouldn't be able to follow him to Dumbledore's office. Hermione turned to follow Dumbledore, before pausing and adding, "Oh, and another twenty from Slytherin for inappropriate behavior!"

"Well, so much for house unity," Draco muttered under his breath as he hurried after the Headmaster.

* * *

"Popcorn?" Dumbledore offered cheerfully, holding up the bucket for the Head Boy and Head Girl.

Draco eyed the popcorn warily as though it would explode at any moment. "I'll pass, thanks."

"Honestly, Malfoy, it's not like the thing's poisoned," Hermione scoffed before she snatched up a handful. "See?" she stuffed the entire handful into her mouth and let out a satisfied sigh. "Mmm, this is good, Professor. Where did you get it?"

"I had the House-elves make it," Dumbledore said brightly, and Draco found that he was unable to stifle his laugh when Hermione practically spat it back out with a look of disgust on her face. She glared at him, but that simply caused him to double over with laughter. Merlin, he had never laughed this hard in a long time.

She pushed the bucket away. "I think I'll pass, too," she said.

"Isn't it a little too late, Granger?" Draco asked, his stomach still aching painfully from laughing so hard at her.

She elbowed him. She was still mad that he had kissed her without her permission in front of Pansy Parkinson and the Draco Malfoy Fan Club. No doubt they will now be targeting _her_, thanks to him!

Dumbledore coughed to remind them that he was still there. "Before you get into a lover's quarrel - "

"THIS IS NOT A LOVER'S QUARREL!" Hermione and Draco screeched at practically the same time. Poor Dumbledore had to cover his ears so that their shouting wouldn't break his eardrums.

"Moving on," Dumbledore continued, not daring to anger the un-couple any further. "You know, as the Headmaster, I have the power to pair the two of you up in some ridiculously difficult project or stick the two of you together with one spell or another - " He was enjoying the identical looks of horror on their faces. It was priceless. " - _but_, that would be very cruel of me - " at this, they both nodded vigorously, " - so, instead, I forbid you two to talk to each other ever again!" he finished dramatically.

Draco opened his mouth in shock. What had happened to Dumbledore's promoting house unity?

Hermione opened her mouth, but for a very different reason. "But, Headmaster," she protested, "How will we perform Head duties together if we can't even talk to each other?"

Trust Granger to worry about something like _that_. Draco scowled at her. She should be happy that they didn't have to speak to each other anymore!

"Ah, I have thought of that, as well," Dumbledore said, and held up his wand. "Behold, the great and powerful and genius telepathy spell!"

For a moment, nothing happened.

Hermione looked at Draco, and Draco looked at Hermione. "Did something happen?" Hermione asked him, but found that no words came out of her mouth.

Draco, however, heard her perfectly.

_Yes, something happened alright!_ Hermione jumped. Merlin, was she going mad? She must be - why else would she hear voices?

_Use your head, Granger_! the same voice sounded in her mind. She froze, looking from Draco to Dumbledore and back again. "Professor, is this what I think it is?" she asked. Strange, she thought. She could speak just fine when she was addressing Dumbledore.

"Now you'll be able to sort out your problems without anyone overhearing! Isn't this just a splendid idea?" Dumbledore nodded, clapping his hands in excitement.

Draco had to chuckle at Hermione's use of language as she cursed _Splendid idea my arse _in his mind.

Hermione frowned. His chuckle meant that he had heard her thought, which meant that now he knew everything she was thinking, which meant that it was not a good thing. It was a very, very, _very _bad thing.

"If you will excuse me, I have very important matters to attend," Dumbledore continued, mistaking the silence for agreement. "Go on," he gestured the door.

Draco was eager to get out of the mad man's office, while Hermione followed a little more reluctantly. She wanted to ask him how to break the spell, but Dumbledore was already preoccupied with a stack of papers.

"And good luck with that fan club of yours, Mr. Malfoy," Dumbledore added as an afterthought.

Oh bloody hell. Draco had completely forgotten about them. He took a deep breath as he opened the door, dreading what was waiting for him on the other side...

* * *

**A/n: This is an AU 7th year fic, hence the extreme OOCness and strange humor. I've read some hilarious au 7th year stories lately, and wanted to try writing one myself (rather than studying for my IB tests. Argh.) And this is the result. **

**In case it's confusing: Hermione and Draco can now communicate with each other telepathically and 'hear' what each other are thinking. **

_**I solemnly swear that I will complete this story before working on anything else! **_**but only if it's interesting enough to continue - so please review? popcorn for everyone! *throws popcorn into the air* **


	2. Bloody Dumbledore

Draco let out a breath when he saw that the coast was clear. It appeared that his fan club actually cared about house points and had returned to the dungeons in order to avoid losing more house points for Slytherin.

_Or they just don't want you to get mad at them for losing _more_ house points_, came Hermione's voice.

_Will you cut that out_! Draco snapped in his mind (if snapping in his mind was possible).

_It's not like I can do anything about it_, Hermione snorted, shrugging.

Okay, this was seriously creeping Draco out. The last thing he wanted was for her to hear his every thought, but that was precisely what she had been doing. _Isn't there any way we can break the bloody spell_?

Hermione shook her head. _Dumbledore could've invented that spell himself for all we know_, she pointed out the obvious. _It would take ages for us to find a book on it, and even if there was a book on it who knows if there even is a counterspell for it?_

Draco groaned. For once, Hermione agreed with him - she hated the idea of him in her head.

_Whoa, you're actually agreeing with me_?

She bit back a retort. She was getting tired, and she was in no mood to argue with him. Him in her head was enough; she didn't want to speak to him any more than she had to.

_Let's end this bloody patrol early, _she thought. Technically, they hadn't even _started_ the patrol yet.

_Fine by me_, Draco replied.

She wanted to get away from him as fast as possible to sort out her mind. And then she realized with horror that he would be able to hear her sorting out her mind, which is even worse. _Bloody Dumbledore_! she cursed, and Draco shot her a smirk.

_Well, I'm going this way,_ she told him, and began walking in the opposite direction from him.

_Granger? _his voice came from her head.

_What now_? she demanded, irritated.

_Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't the Gryffindor tower _that _way_? He gestured in the other direction.

Hermione paled. This was going to be a long, long night.

* * *

"Er, Hermione?" Harry asked at breakfast the following morning. She was relieved that there was someone she could actually _talk _to.

"Mmm?" she asked, unable to speak because her mouth was full of scrambled eggs. Merlin, the thing was delicious. She could eat it all day - _Have fun losing all that weight, Granger_!

She whipped her head around and glared at Malfoy, sitting innocently at the Slytherin table. He took his fork and in a painfully slow motion picked up a piece of scrambled egg and placed it into his mouth, chewing slowly.

"Yes, that's what I'm talking about," Harry said suddenly.

She turned around and focused on her friends, doing her best to ignore the Head Boy, now laughing gleefully in her head. "And what are you talking about?" she asked, playing the 'act stupid' tactic. The last thing she needed right now was for Harry and Ron to know that Malfoy was in her head, because knowing them, they would gladly murder Malfoy in cold blood in his sleep just so he would stop bugging her.

She appreciated the thought, really, but she didn't want them going to Azkaban because of such a trivial matter.

"Why are you giving Malfoy the cold shoulder? Has there been a fight that I don't know about?" Harry asked.

_After that git _kissed _me, yeah_! she wanted to say, but stopped herself. His fan club knowing about the kiss was bad enough.

"Oh, er, it's just the usual, you know," she said instead, trying to look as lighthearted as she could. _You're a horrible liar, you know that, Granger_? Malfoy's voice commented.

_Sod off, Malfoy, _she thought, scowling.

Harry frowned, but decided not to question it. He decided that it must be because of Head duties, and Hermione already had enough on her mind.

Meanwhile, Draco's breakfast was definitely not as pleasant as Hermione's.

News of The Kiss had spread through the Slytherins faster than forest fire, and Pansy was clinging onto his arm in an extremely possessive way. "Oh, I feel so sorry for you, Draco-poo," she said, "that kiss must've been awful!"

Screw house unity. It was making him suffer. He had had enough of it. "Ugh, it was horrid," he agreed loudly, thinking it in his mind at the same time so that Granger would hear. "In fact, it was so bad that I never want to kiss her again!" he pretended to shudder to add affect.

"I bet it was!" Pansy agreed. "I would never kiss you that horribly, Draco-poo!"

He inwardly groaned. What had he gotten himself into now? It was obvious she was trying to get a kiss out of him. _Ha! Serve you right, Malfoy_! Granger's thought was scornful, as though she still hadn't forgiven him for insulting her kissing ability.

And that was when the best idea he had come up with in a long time struck. Oh, he was going to make her suffer! "Can I have your word on that, Pansy?" he asked his fellow Slytherin now, wagging his eyebrows suggestively.

Pansy didn't need further invitation before she tackled him, right there in the Great Hall with everyone watching them.

_Mmm_, Draco thought purposefully, _she's right, she's a surprisingly good kisser! I haven't felt like this in a long time! This is even more delicious than my scrambled eggs_!

Every mouth dropped open as the students (and even the professors) watched the scene unfold with interest.

"Ohh, I've had enough!" Hermione burst out suddenly, and, slamming her fork down onto her plate with a thud so loud that it could be heard in Hogsmeade, she turned and ran out of the Great Hall before anyone could see the tears of frustration threatening to spill out of her eyes.

* * *

_Had a good breakfast, Granger_?

Hermione jumped. She was sitting on her bed with her face buried between her legs. For a moment, she had completely forgotten about Malfoy, but of course her peaceful silence wouldn't last thanks to him.

_Shut up and leave me alone_! she commanded, wondering whether there was anything she could do to tune him out. It was such a shame that Muggle technology couldn't work at Hogwarts, otherwise she would be blasting loud _Muggle _music just to annoy him.

_Skipping class, Granger? I didn't know you were that type of girl,_ he sneered, and Hermione couldn't stop herself from checking her watch. "Bloody hell!" she screeched loudly, realizing that she was late for her first class, which just so happened to be Defense Against the Dark Arts with Snape.

He was going to murder her for being late. Oh, why had she gotten worked up so much about it anyway?

Not bothering to check on her appearance, she made a mad dash toward the classroom and burst the door open just as Neville accidentally shot a jinx in her direction. Hermione squeaked and slammed the door shut again, and she could hear laughter inside the room.

Her shield disappeared a moment later when Snape jerked the door open and glared at her. "You're already late, Miss Granger; I don't need you making a scene about it," he hissed threateningly.

"I - forgive me, Professor," Hermione apologized, gulping. She didn't need Snape yelling at her too.

_Forgive me, Professor_, Malfoy mocked in her head as she hurried to her seat with her head lowered so she wouldn't be able to see the looks her fellow Gryffindors were giving her.

"Miss Granger, because you were late, you have left Mr. Malfoy without a partner," Snape said coolly. "Therefore, you will be paired up with him, and Mr. Malfoy, I trust you will pass on the instructions to her."

"Of course, Professor," Draco said cordially, giving him a nod.

He led her to the back of the room, swerving to avoid a spell that Ron was _supposedly_ aiming at Harry. Hermione was baffled that Harry didn't have his wand out - instead, his face was scrunched up in concentration.

_Well_? Hermione asked, tapping her feet impatiently as she stared at him.

_Wandless magic, _came the reply.

That explained Harry's look, Hermione supposed. She waited for him to continue.

_Snape is having us practice the wandless protection spell. One person hits the other with a verbal spell, and the other tries to deflect it without a wand. The end._

That explained the spell Neville had almost hit her with earlier.

_You do realize the problem though, don't you, Malfoy? _Hermione asked.

_Thanks for stating the obvious, Granger, _he retorted sarcastically.

Hermione rolled her eyes. _Neither of us are skilled enough to perform the _attacking _spell without a wand._

_That's where you're wrong, Granger._

_I'm sorry?_

_I, unlike you, am actually quite skilled with wandless magic, actually. So you just leave me to do the attacking while you do the protecting. Deal? And if Snape walks by, I'll just attack someone else so he hears me say the incantation, or vise versa._

_Show off, _Hermione thought. _Don't lie, Malfoy, you're just waiting for the opportunity to hex someone. _

_Thanks for the idea, Granger._

She gave him her best death glare, but let out a yelp when she suddenly discovered that her legs had snapped tight together. He had used a _non-verbal Leg-Locker Curse_ on her.

She admitted, albeit a little grudgingly, that Malfoy _was _as good as he claimed he was. Then she realized with horror what she had just thought. She didn't need to give him a reason to inflate his overly large ego even further.

_Ouch_, Malfoy pretended to wince at her scathing thought, still refusing to release her from the binding spell. _You're saying that about me, but what about you, Granger? You do know that you're supposed to be _concentrating _when you perform wandless magic? _His eyebrows raised, and he smirked at her as he went on, _Or do you find me...distracting? _

_Oh, shut up, Malfoy!_

Just then, out of the corner of her eye, Hermione saw that Snape was approaching them. _Snape alert! Block my spell now, Malfoy_! He released her from the binding spell reluctantly so she could act her part.

She pointed her wand in his direction, but she was really aiming at Pansy Parkinson who just happened to be lurking behind Malfoy. She recited the incantation for the Bat-Bogey Hex and watched with satisfaction as it soared toward Malfoy - it felt as though the spell was moving in slow motion - then missed him, and struck Pansy instead.

The poor Slytherin let out a shriek, not even knowing what had hit her, as bats came soaring out of her nose. Hermione doubled back with laughter, feeling tremendously better for the first time in a long while. Even Draco couldn't stop a small smile from forming on his lips.

"Miss Granger, what is the meaning of this?" Snape demanded, next to her almost at once. "You were asked to practice on your _partner_, not Miss Parkinson or anyone else for that matter! Twenty points from Gryffindor, and detention this Saturday!"

Hermione was still laughing too hard to contain herself. Not even the thought of detention could ruin her moment of glee.

Harry and Ron were staring at her with their jaws dropped open as though she had just told them that she was Voldemort reincarnated.

Hermione finally controlled herself enough to stop, but she couldn't stop a final giggle from escaping her lips. The events from last night and this morning were just too much for her. _  
_

_Alright there, Granger? You didn't hit your head on your way here, did you? _Malfoy was staring at her with an unreadable expression.

The smile that still lingered on Hermione's lips faltered as she was reminded of her, er, current situation. She sighed and shook her head ever so slightly, knowing that this was going to be a very long school year...

And this was just the beginning.

* * *

**A/n: Due to popular demand, this story will continue! Hope you enjoy this chapter as much as the last, though it has less teacher meddling and more Hermione/Draco interaction ;) **

**(and yes, I brought Snape back to life for various purposes.. /shot/ but really, it's more fun this way XD) **

_**I solemnly swear that I will complete this story before working on anything else! **_**but only if it's interesting enough to continue - so please review? I'd love to hear your thoughts on the story so far. **

**Special thanks to preciousann for being the first reviewer! **


	3. Rock fight!

Defense Against the Dark Arts finished with no further incident, but the fact that Hermione had landed herself in detention was the talk of the school. Hermione, after all, was the Head Girl, and had had a clean record.

Until now, that was.

"Hermione? You're still not mad at Snape, are you?" Harry asked as the three headed to their next class, Transfiguration. Unfortunately, the Slytherins were a part of the class, too, no matter how much the Gryffindors wished that they could Transfigure said Slytherins into something much nicer to look at. Like flowers or butterflies, or rainbow unicorns.

"On, no, Harry," she answered dismissively. "Why would I be mad at Snape?"

"Because he gave you a detention," Ron supplied.

She gave them a small smile. "Well, I suppose I do deserve it, seeing that hexing other students is strictly against the rules." _But that's what she gets for calling me an awful kisser! Ha! _

_Oh? You're still going on about that? _Hermione turned and glared at Malfoy, who was walking behind them with Blaise. He blinked innocently when Blaise gave them a funny look and shrugged.

"Why's she glaring at you, mate?" Hermione heard the Slytherin mutter.

"Just the usual, you know," Malfoy replied, "she hates me, I hate her, blah blah blah."

Hermione rolled her eyes at his explanation before she hurried to catch up with Harry and Ron. It didn't take them long to file into the Transfiguration classroom.

Professor McGonagall was waiting for the students to arrive, eating popcorn as she did so. She swallowed the mouthful as the last of the students arrived, and she quickly stuffed the bowl under her desk.

"Hello everyone," she began.

"Hello Professor," the class chorused.

"Well, why don't we begin by handing in the homework? The one that required you to think of ten reasons why Transfiguring yourself into a rock will be useful." Everyone shuffled to get their homework from their bags and handed them in to the professor. She nodded satisfactorily before she continued, "As the homework suggests, today we will be practicing the spell. However, due to its complicatedness, you will be assigned partners who will aid you in your quest to master it. Any questions?"

_What's with all the teachers and partners these days_? Hermione desperately wished that her partner wasn't Malfoy.

The Gryffindors and Slytherins shook their heads.

"Now, for the partners..." It didn't take long to pair them all up, and, to Hermione's dismay, she found herself face to face with Malfoy.

Again.

_What's with that disappointed look, Granger? I can assure you that a thousand girls would do anything to be in your place right now, _Malfoy said, giving her his infamous smirk.

_Yeah, I'm sure your fan club will love that_, she retorted, and focused on the object they would be Transfiguring that day, which happened to be themselves. _How lovely_, thought Hermione, _I get to Transfigure myself into a rock! Yeah, this will definitely be useful in my career! _

_Are you being sarcastic, Granger? _

Hermione ignored him and pointed her wand at herself. _Listen, Malfoy, you'll Transfigure me back to myself, got it? _

He shrugged as an answer, which Hermione hoped meant 'yes', but, knowing Malfoy, she was never sure just exactly what he meant. She recited the spell, and, being Hermione, got it right on her first try.

Draco stared at rock-Hermione, and rock-Hermione stared back at him. At least, Draco _thought _that she was staring back at him.

"Miss Granger has done it!" Professor McGonagall beamed from where she sat behind her desk, popping popcorn into her mouth. "Ten points to Gryffindor!"

The Gryffindors cheered up considerably at this news, glad that the old Hermione was back. They had been slightly worried about her detention.

Draco gingerly picked up the rock, half expecting it to be squishy like a human body would be. But it was solid. He looked around the room, and noted with interest that Weasley was attempting to perform the spell, and his face was twisted up in concentration. It was quite hilarious.

Draco chucked rock-Hermione across the room, and rock-Hermione hit Ron's shoulder.

"Ouch!" Ron yelped, dropping his wand as he glared at Draco. "WHAT DID YOU DO THAT FOR, MALFOY?" he roared.

"That's what you get for attempting to hex me in Snape's class," Draco drawled.

Ron bent down to study what had hit him, and his mouth dropped open in shock. "You hit me with _Hermione_?"

"Why not?" Draco said.

Ron picked up rock-Hermione, and threw her right back at Draco, hitting him in the forehead. "OW!" Draco yelped as the rock hit him. He had a feeling that before this ordeal was over, he would develop a never-ending headache...

_Oww! _Hermione complained in Draco's mind.

Oh, bugger. It appeared that even though she was a rock, she could still feel things. And think, for that matter.

_What did you do that for, Malfoy?_

_Weasley started it!_

_You threw me at him first!_

"Rock fight!" one of the Slytherins suddenly yelled, and those students who had been successful with the spell started throwing their partners at each other. And due to the fact that the objects being thrown were rocks, a large number of injuries were obtained as a result.

In the midst of the rock fight, Draco flung Hermione back at Ron, who managed to dodge out of the way in the nick of time - only to result in the rock hitting Pansy Parkinson in the nose.

"Oh, really, this is quite enough!" Professor McGonagall snapped, glaring at the lot of them. "Mr. Malfoy, as Head Boy, you ought to be ashamed of your inappropriate behavior! Taking advantage of the Head Girl when she is in such a state!"

"Sorry, Professor," said Draco, not sounding very sorry at all, while Hermione bristled, _Hey! What's that supposed to mean_?

McGonagall gave him a stern look. "I suppose I'll let it slide this once, Mr. Malfoy," she said, "as I'm sure it's a traumatizing experience to see Miss Granger like that."

Draco nodded at once, pretending to shudder to add affect.

_Ferret_, Hermione scowled.

_Rock_, Draco shot back. _You're even more pathetic than I am, Granger!_

"_Finite Incantatem_," said Professor McGonagall, and with a wave of her wand all the rocks in the class transformed back into students. "Now, no more of this nonsense!"

Needless to say, Madame Pomfrey was quite surprised to see so many students in the Hospital Wing at one time, bearing nearly identical injuries.

"Now that's another useful reason for Transfiguring yourself into a rock," Ron whispered to Harry and Hermione, who were both waiting to be treated, "So you can cause everlasting damage to your opponents...Merlin, Hermione, you hit really hard!"

She slapped his arm in response.

* * *

Hermione groaned.

Now that she was back in the Gryffindor common room, her excitement over hexing Pansy Parkinson earlier that morning had faded as reality struck. She was going to have detention with Snape on Saturday, and that was _not _going to go well. Not to mention the fact that her whole rock ordeal was giving her a headache.

_That must be your, what, first detention ever_?

She made a face as Malfoy's voice came from inside her head. _Don't remind me, Malfoy. _

_Teehee._

It appeared that he wasn't going to stop bothering her anytime soon. _Of course I'm not going to stop bothering you, especially when I can hear everything you're thinking, Granger!_

Hermione groaned again.

_Whoa, Pansy, what are you doing in the boys' dormitory? _

_TOO MUCH INFORMATION_! Hermione screamed in her mind, trying to block Malfoy out of her head. Unfortunately, it wasn't working.

_So you want to snog me, eh, Pansy_?

She needed something to distract herself so she wouldn't have to hear Malfoy's thoughts, but there really wasn't much that she could do. _A good night's sleep sounds like a good idea right about now_, she mused, and proceeded to change out of her robes. This was evidently the wrong thing to do.

_What color are your knickers, Granger_?

Hermione deadpanned. _And why do you want to know_?

_Wait, let me guess - they're mud colored. Ha ha! Get it? _

_No, and I don't wan't to get it. Go snog Pansy or something and leave me alone, Malfoy! You've caused enough trouble for me in one day! _

_Ooh, somebody's jealous! _

_I am not! _

_Am too! _

_Am not! Why am I even arguing with you in the first place? _Hermione flung her shirt onto her bed in fury. In truth, she had completely forgotten what color her knickers were after she had put them on that morning - who remembers the stuff anyway? That's why people look at what they're wearing when somebody says "I like your shirt!" to them! - and, slightly curious herself, she glanced down.

Pink. Plain pink.

_Phew_, she thought, _thank Merlin they're not embarrassing. Wait a minute, why do I even care if my knickers are embarrassing? It's not like Malfoy can actually _see _them - DOUBLE WAIT! Why do I even care what Malfoy thinks about my knickers in the first place?!_

Hermione was confusing herself now, so she stopped panicking and plopped down on her four-poster bed.

_Thank Merlin you stopped ranting, Granger, that was giving me a headache._

_You know what's funny, Malfoy? I'd rather you get a headache so YOU CAN LEAVE ME ALONE!_

_Feisty, are we?_

_Grr! I'm going to bed! Good night!_

A few minutes passed in blissful silence. Just as Hermione was about to doze off, however...

_No! Parkinson! Get off my bed! AHHHHH! _

* * *

**A/n: Due to popular demand, this story will continue! **

**Hope you like the randomness in this chapter XD It's also slightly shorter than the previous chapters - I have been studying for my IB tests, and I haven't had time to update. However, I really wanted to post another chapter, so here it is! **

_**I solemnly swear that I will complete this story before working on anything else! **_**but only if it's interesting enough to continue - so please review? I'd love to hear your thoughts on the story so far.**

**Please review? *insert puppy-dog eyes here***


	4. Lion in a den of snakes

Hermione leapt out of bed at Malfoy's scream in her head.

She figured that if Pansy was going to attack Malfoy all night, then there was absolutely no way she would be able to get the sleep she so desperately needed. There was, therefore, only one course of action, and that was to stop the Slytherin girl herself.

She practically dashed out of the Gryffindor common room in her haste to stop Malfoy from bothering her, and only when she skidded to a stop outside the Slytherin dungeons did she realize she had no idea what their password was.

And, it was just Hermione's luck that at that particular moment, a lost first year finally found his common room and came stumbling toward her.

"What's the password?" she demanded without thinking. She had completely forgotten that she was supposed to take away points for breaking curfew, but there were more important things on her mind at the moment.

The first year boy gave her a suspicious look. "Why should I tell you?" he asked, arrogantly, and his eyes widened as he recognized her. "I know who you are! You're that Gryffindor know-it-all!"

Hermione sighed. "Listen, I have urgent business with the Head Boy," she said urgently, "Mal - er, Draco Malfoy. I'm the Head Girl, if you didn't know."

It was probably a stupid thing to say, because the first year snorted. "Of _course _I know who you are! Practically every Slytherin knows! You're the one who's always giving Draco trouble!"

_More like it's the other way around_, thought Hermione, but she didn't dare say it out loud in case it made things worse than it already was. "Er, well, can you tell me the password? I really have to ask him something," she said.

He glared at her. "How about...no?"

Typical Slytherin.

"Come _on_!" she begged, becoming more and more desperate by the second. She was losing sleep, and it was all Malfoy and Pansy's fault! "If you don't, I'll - I'll - take away twenty points for disobeying the Head Girl!"

_Didn't know you had it in you to threaten first years, Granger_, Malfoy drawled in her head.

Wait a minute. She had completely forgotten about Malfoy! Since he was in her head, and he obviously knew what the Slytherin password was, _he_ could tell her!

_How_ _about...no_? Malfoy echoed the first year's words. Hermione groaned inwardly.

"Well," Hermione said to the boy triumphantly as a lightbulb went _ding_! in her head, "If you won't tell me, I'll just wait here until you enter the room, and then I'll follow you in! So it's either that, or we'll both wait out here for the rest of the night!"

_What's a lightbulb, Granger?_

_Of course you wouldn't know! It's a Muggle lighting device - hey, now isn't the time for that_! Hermione grinned at the look of horror that was slowly dawning on the first year boy's face as he realized that she was right. _  
_

_You do realize how un-Gryffindor that was, Granger?_

_Oh, shut up, Malfoy! Who's doing the rescuing here, huh? Quit complaining and just let the rescuer rescue the rescuee!_

_I never _asked _to be rescued, you know! _

"Oh, fine," the first year agreed, extremely reluctantly, and he hissed the password to the door-knocker so Hermione wouldn't overhear. She didn't even wait for him before she hurried into the Slytherin common room.

_So this is what it looks like_! Back in second year, it was Harry and Ron who had came in here to interrogate Malfoy while Hermione had been stuck in the Hospital Wing.

_What! No wonder Crabbe and Goyle were acting weird! _

_Uh-huh_, Hermione mumbled, trying to figure out which side led to the boys' dormitory. She watched as the first year boy slinked off to the left, and deciding that that must be the way, followed him.

"DRACO MALFOY!" she screamed to nobody in particular as she marched up the stairs and flung the door open. The first year scampered away, leaving her to take in the scene in front of her.

Draco was half-sitting, half-lying on his bed. He was shirtless.

For a moment, Hermione could only stare at his chest. It had muscles in all the right places from too much Quidditch - _NO! HERMIONE, STOP! NOW! _No doubt her face was heating up by the second, and the smirk he was giving her clearly said that he knew exactly what she had been thinking.

Hermione shook her head quickly and slapped her cheeks to stop herself from daydreaming. She had a more serious matter at hand, which involved a certain Pansy Parkinson making advances on Malfoy -

Hold on.

Pansy was nowhere to be found.

Draco burst out laughing at the stunned look on Hermione's face as she finally fit the pieces together._ Malfoy...why...you! Don't tell me you did that on purpose!_

"What's so funny, mate? I'm trying to sleep here," Blaise grumbled from the bed next to Draco's. "Merlin's pants! What's _Granger_ doing here?" he yelled loudly as he spotted Hermione by the door.

Hermione was dying from embarrassment. She couldn't believe him, making her come all this way just for nothing! In a fit of rage, she let out a scream and lunged herself right at Malfoy.

This, of course, didn't turn out as well as she had hoped. She tried to hit him in the shoulder, but just then another figure entered the doorway.

Snape coughed loudly as he saw the scene in front of him. "As much as you like Mr. Malfoy, Miss Granger, I will not accept this sort of behavior from the Head Boy and Girl!"

"It's not what it looks like!" Hermione and Draco protested at the same time, which just made it even more suspicious.

Snape clearly didn't believe them.

"Granger woke me up, Professor," Blaise complained.

"She bullied me just to get the password, Professor!" the first year piped up, who had came over to see what the commotion was about.

"She almost killed me, Professor!" Draco added so he wouldn't be missing out.

Hermione pointed a finger accusingly at Draco. They were all putting the blame on her! "He threw me at Ron in Transfiguration, Professor! I had Transfigured myself into a rock, which he used to hit Ron with! It was awful!"

"Is this true, Mr. Malfoy?" Snape asked, turning to stare at Draco.

_It was so worth it, though, _Draco mused in Hermione's mind. She glared at him.

"Well," Snape said with a sigh, "since you're begging for it, I'm afraid I will have to give Mr. Malfoy a detention. He will be joining you, Miss Granger, on Saturday morning in my office."

Draco's eyes widened as he suddenly realized something. "No, Professor! The Slytherin vs. Hufflepuff Quidditch game is that afternoon, not to mention I'm both Captain _and _Seeker!"

_Quidditch, shmidditch, _Hermione thought, _what's with boys and Quidditch? Ugh!_

_What are you talking about, Granger? Have you even _been _to a Quidditch game? Quidditch is the best thing ever!_

_Well...of course I have! I cheer on Harry and Ron all the time! _Hermione defended herself.

Snape interrupted their little argument with another cough. "Well, I suggest you work quickly then, Draco, so you can finish before the game." Of course Snape remembered the game. He obviously didn't want his own House to loose!

Draco nodded to show that he had heard Snape.

"And, Miss Granger, kindly return to your own dormitory before I have to assign you another detention," Snape warned as he swept out of their room, making Hermione blush furiously.

"Look what she did, Blaise! She landed me in detention!" Draco said to the other Slytherin as soon as Snape had left. "This is all her fault!"

"I feel sorry for you, mate," Blaise agreed with a dramatic sigh, and then his eyes suddenly lit up evilly. "Why don't we make her watch the game on Saturday as payback?"

"Y-You wouldn't!" Hermione said, backing slowly to the door. She didn't like where this was going.

Draco smirked at her before turning to Blaise. "Oh yes we would," he drawled slowly. He wasn't speaking directly to her, so the silence spell Dumbledore had bestowed upon them wouldn't affect their conversation.

"Not to mention that you woke me up just when I was having this superb dream," Blaise added wistfully. "You'll be there on Saturday, Granger, or else..."

He didn't complete the sentence, but Hermione had a feeling she knew what would happen. Something really, really, _really_ bad. Something only Slytherins would think of...

"You...you...you snakes!" Hermione blurted out, unable to think of a witty enough comeback.

Draco and Blaise exchanged a satisfied grin, knowing that they had her. "Well, you're the lion in a den of snakes," Blaise said with a shrug, "what else did you expect? Well, I suppose I'll go back to sleep, _so kindly return to your own dormitory before I have to assign you another detention_," he mocked Snape's earlier words.

Hermione glowered at them heatedly. Oh, she was not going to forgive them so easily, especially Malfoy for rudely interrupting her _own _sleep! "Just you two wait," she threatened.

"Was that supposed to sound scary?" Draco asked Blaise.

"To a Hufflepuff, maybe," Blaise replied, and the two burst out laughing at that.

"Ohh," Hermione huffed, and turned to stalk out of the room.

Before she could get very far, however, she heard Malfoy's voice call out, "And by the way, Granger...nice pajamas!"

They were _so _going to be dead.

* * *

**A/n: Due to popular demand, this story will continue!**

_**I solemnly swear that I will complete this story before working on anything else! **_**but only if it's interesting enough to continue - so please review? I noticed that I have been getting less reviews each chapter, which to me means that you're not as interested as before. But if you want me to continue, leave a review!**

**Also, I need ideas for an upcoming chapter! I won't tell you the details, but it has something to do with Draco 'torturing' Harry. If anyone has ideas on ways he could make Harry suffer, let me know with a review? I would be forever grateful! **


	5. Maid for a day

**Dear _guest_, (yes, this little message is at the top just for you, whoever you are)**

**You're saying that Draco got Hermione into trouble? Perhaps you should read the chapter again. Hermione was the one who got _Draco _into detention. And Hermione already has detention because she had hexed Pansy in DADA two chapters ago; it had nothing to do with Draco. Besides, she was trying to sleep before Draco rudely interrupted her, so she's bound to act a little rash and desperate.**

**And a quick AN: somehow, I didn't receive a notification email for chapter 4. Which is weird.. Hmm. So if you're confused about this chapter, read the previous chapter (_Lion in a den of snakes_) first! **

**Read on! **

* * *

The week passed by, too quickly for Hermione's liking. At least she managed, somehow, not to land herself in another detention. It wasn't long before the dreaded day - also known as detention with Snape - arrived.

Hermione sighed loudly at breakfast, playing with her eggs rather than eating them. "There goes my homework time," she grumbled.

"Don't worry, Hermione, I'm sure you'll be able to survive," Ron said, which wasn't exactly a reassuring statement. But it was the thought that counted, really. "And may Hufflepuff win the Quidditch game," he added under his breath.

After telling Harry and Ron about Malfoy forcing her to watch their game, they both had been furious. But there was no helping it - either Hermione went to the game, or the Slytherins would do something evil to her. And she was not going to let that happen.

"I'm not sure about that, Ron," Hermione commented, "I mean, I can't believe I'm even saying this, but Malfoy's a pretty skilled Seeker, isn't he?"

_I appreciate the compliment, Granger._

_Just leave me alone, Malfoy! Grr. _Hermione was definitely not in the mood to deal with him now.

"We can only hope that the Hufflepuff seeker is even better," Harry said darkly, and Ron nodded in agreement.

Hermione cast her breakfast one last longing look before she stood up. "I suppose I should get going, then," she said, trying to sound cheerful. Harry and Ron gave her sympathetic looks as she left the Great Hall with a sigh, knowing that today would be anything but cheerful. As she walked briskly, she heard footsteps, and it wasn't long before Draco caught up with her.

_Let's get this over with_, Hermione thought in her mind, and Draco inclined his head. They made their way to Snape's office, getting lost a couple of times thanks to the moving staircases. But at last, they finally found their destination.

Draco reached a hand forward and knocked on the door. "Enter," a voice coolly said from inside.

The two promptly entered, accidentally getting stuck in the doorway because they both tried to get in at the same time. "Omph!" Hermione gasped.

They struggled, but Hermione found herself squeezed against Malfoy and neither would budge. She glared at him, but the only thing Draco could do was glare back at her.

Needless to say, Snape wasn't very amused and was getting very impatient. He pulled out his wand and flicked it, magically stretching the doorway so it became wider. Hermione stumbled into the room, followed by Draco.

"Ever heard of 'ladies first', Malfoy?" Hermione asked dryly, scowling at the wall so she could actually speak (it would look incredibly weird to Snape if they spoke in their mind and all he would see were their strange facial expressions). "If you'd let me in first, we would never have gotten stuck in the first place!"

"And you're hardly a lady, Granger," Draco scoffed, staring at Snape as he spoke. Snape shifted uncomfortably, wondering why the two were looking elsewhere as they spoke.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Hermione demanded, but Snape coughed to interrupt them before Draco could answer.

They quieted down immediately, sharing the same thought: _the sooner we get this started, the sooner we can get it over with_.

"Well then, now that you're both actually listening, your task for today is to clean my private quarters. Naturally, I could have asked the House-elves to do it, but I decided to leave my room messy just for an occasion like this one...I'm so smart, ha ha ha! Oh...and no magic," Snape instructed, tapping a few bricks on the wall in a fashion similar to how one would enter Diagon Alley.

Hermione's mouth dropped open, not because she was shocked that his private quarters were hidden within, but rather, at the mess that greeted her and Malfoy:

There was rubbish _everywhere_. Not to mention that Snape's clothes were scattered all over the place...and there was an odd smell wafting towards them.

Heremione wrinkled her nose in distaste. "So you want us to be your maids for a day?" she clarified.

"I suppose you could say that," Snape answered. "Now, get to work! I want this whole place cleaned up before I come check on you two later!"

"Yes, _Mum_," Hermione mocked in a voice that matched the tone of a young child who had just been forced to clean his room.

Snape gave her an odd look before he left them to their business. As soon as he was gone and had shut the door behind him, Draco burst out laughing at Hermione's previous comment.

_Mum__? Good one, Granger! _

Hermione wasn't sure whether she should take it as a compliment or not, so she shrugged. _Well, I say we get started. How about we separate everything into stacks first before we clean the room?__  
_

_Whatever you say, Granger. I just want to get out of this bloody place as soon as possible so I won't miss the Quidditch game. _

_Frankly, I'd rather we stay here all day so I won't _have _to go to the Quidditch game_, Hermione thought dryly, bending over to inspect some of the room's contents.

_Touché_, Draco scoffed.

Hermione almost screamed as she dropped the item of clothing she had picked just picked up. _Er, Malfoy? Would you mind handling Snape's...um, undergarments_? she asked desperately, holding the undergarment as far away from her face as she could.

_Eh, what do we have here? Afraid to touch a professor's undergarments?_ Draco smirked, taking said undergarment from her. _Bloody hell, what is this?! It stinks! _

Hermione looked triumphant as she moved on to clear the other articles of clothing that were scattered on the floor, leaving Malfoy standing stupidly and holding Snape's undergarments in his hand.

As she worked, she counted that Snape had twenty-seven identical pairs of pants and thirty-five identical shirts. _No wonder he's practically wearing the same clothes everyday, _she mused as she sorted out the items.

Draco, meanwhile, had moved on to a more interesting section of Snape's private quarters, also known as his bedroom. His foot bumped into a crumpled piece of paper. Curious, Draco picked it up and smoothed it out.

_**Fifty Ways to Get Back at** **Potter**_, the title read.

Well, well, well, wasn't this interesting? Draco momentarily forgot what he was doing as he skimmed through the list.

_1) Steal Potter's glasses_

_2) Trip him whenever he walks by_

_3) Repeatedly poke him _

_..._

_50) Put a mistletoe above his head and have him kiss every girl within a three-meter radius_

Hmm, Draco thought, who knew that slimy git - er, Snape - had such evil plans in mind for our favorite Boy-Who-Lived? By the time this list was completed, he would no longer be The-Boy-Who-Lived, but The-Boy-Who-Died-Fifty-Times-From-Embarrassment.

This was _so_ worth it. Why hasn't Snape done any of these things to Potter yet...?

No matter.

Draco rolled up his sleeves and rubbed his hands in anticipation. Snape was probably disappointed at him for landing himself in detention. This would be his way to get on Snape's good side again...He'll carry out these pranks himself!

He suddenly froze. What if Granger read his thoughts and tried to prevent him from succeeding? Now that wouldn't be good, it wouldn't be good at all...Draco held his breath, waiting for a certain bushy-headed girl to burst into the room right at that moment, but no bushy-headed girl appeared. He counted to three before he furtively slipped the list into his shirt pocket.

Snape wouldn't even notice that it was gone.

Hermione, on the other hand, was not paying even the slightest attention to Draco - she had discovered a photo album hidden deep in Snape's closet, and had immersed herself in it, completely forgetting her surroundings.

She was quite surprised to find that every page of the album contained photos of Harry's mother, Lily Evans, in her Hogwarts days, sometimes with handwriting accompanying the moving images.

For instance, one particular photo consisted of Lily with a furious scowl on her face. Even with a scowl, Hermione noted, she was very pretty. Anyway, beneath the photo Snape had scrawled in the words, _This is the kind of face Lily makes when Potter asks her out. This means she hates him. This means I still have a chance. At least, I hope I have a chance. Do I have a chance? I don't even know if I have a chance... _

Merlin, the poor boy was confusing himself!

Hermione flipped a page and saw Lily wearing a beautiful green dress. _Lily wore this dress at Christmas. Claims it matches the colors. But everyone else thinks that she has a soft spot for Slytherins...I'm so glad I decided to stay at Hogwarts this year. I got to see this. Potter didn't. Ta! _

Hermione briefly wondered what Draco would think if she wore a green dress, and then quickly shook the thought away. For one, why did she even care about his opinions when it came to her? And wait...did she just call him _Draco_?! It was in her mind, but still...he must have heard it.

But no sarcastic remark came. _He must be busy cleaning_, she thought with relief. _I can finally have some peace and quiet. _She was tempted to take the album and show it to Harry, but decided against it. Some of the photos were rather disturbing, border line stalker-ish. She didn't think Harry would appreciate learning that Snape had stalked his mum at school.

Besides, she was a Gryffindor. Stealing was something only Slytherins did.

Draco, who had just made the bed and was busy scrubbing the floor, suddenly sneezed. _  
_

* * *

**A/n: **

_**I solemnly swear that I will complete this story before working on anything else! **_**but only if it's interesting enough to continue - so please review? Can we possibly get 10 reviews before the next chapter? ***

**And...now that you know what the Draco torturing Harry thing is about (which I had mentioned in the previous chapter), if you have any ideas on ways Snape could get back at Potter, feel free to suggest them with a review! The crueler the better! Muahahaha... The next chapter should be interesting, but it would only work if I have enough ideas. **

***puts on thinking cap and throws them out to everyone***


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